Legacy in Action
After his retirement, my father-in-law wanted to write a book. He wanted to note down for posterity all the lessons he had learned in his very productive professional life, and he wanted the book to be his legacy. However, life got in the way, and by the time he died a few years ago, the book remained unwritten.
My father-in-law, Shankarashis Sen
My father-in-law was a wonderful person. He mentored nearly everyone he met. He gave feedback in such a way that you wanted to change, wanted to be a better person, and wanted to take his advice to heart. You were even grateful that he pointed out your mistakes! What struck me after he died is that he did not need to write a book to leave behind a legacy.
His legacy was in his actions.
I often think back on a time when I was given one of the greatest gifts of kindness—a real lesson in life I will never forget. In this case, it was when I was doing something quite wrong, and someone reached out to me through his simple, but powerful genuineness and care.
A few years ago, I hired a man in his mid-fifties who showed up at our door asking if he could rake our leaves for cash. His name was Michael. He came to our house at least once a week, but often at odd times (sometimes while we were having dinner, several times before I had gotten dressed in the morning, and often while I was on a business call). He was a kind man and a hard worker. But I began to get impatient and irritated when he showed up unannounced.
Michael arrived at our house the morning after the 2016 presidential election. While half the country was celebrating, I was in a state of shock—lost in sadness. When the bell rang, I gathered myself up to answer the door and was immediately overcome with anger. It was a wild, quick sort of rage. Before I could contain myself, I shouted at Michael, “Get off my porch!” I walked into his space, pointing my finger towards his chest. He started to say something, but then backed away, turned around and walked slowly down the steps. I then realized what I had done. I was horrified, and I couldn’t take it back. I stood there, not knowing what to do. As I saw him walk around the corner, I yelled out, “Michael!” He stopped and looked directly at me. I couldn’t speak. I just stood there. Maybe my eyes revealed something.
He then did the most remarkable thing. He took a step forward and calmly, with a genuine sense of warmth and forgiveness that I will never forget, said: “It’s ok, Crystal. I know you’re hurting. We’re all hurting. It’ll be ok.” And he turned away and left.
Michael’s compassionate reaction to my angry outburst lives in my heart and mind. He helped me see more clearly into my own pain. I was then able to feel my shame and regret without getting stuck. Michael gave me a light with which to see myself and others. I am forever grateful. And it’s something I try to carry forward in my interactions with others.
In my life, I’ve received other, simple acts of kindness from friends and loved ones as well as strangers and people I barely know. It isn’t just their kindness and generosity that matters, but that they showed me something. Even strangers can leave a mark in your life and teach you something about what it might mean to be a better person, a better human being in the world.
Many of us want to leave a legacy. We dream of doing something amazing, something the world will remember, something that matters. But what could matter more than showing up for the moments of your life, fully present and ready to respond to whatever is happening within and in front of you?
The legacy we seek is in our everyday actions.
